Time. Do you have enough of it? If you are like the rest of the world, you will answer that question by saying “No!”.  However, you would be wrong. We all have enough time. In fact, each of us has the same amount of time each day…24 hours. Nobody has more and no one has less.

The problem with most of us is that we have become addicted to filling our time with stuff that doesn’t matter. We fill it with tasks at work. We fill our time on Facebook and Twitter. We fill it running our kids to different events. We fill it watching TV. We have very little margin in our lives so we frantically run around trying to jam everything in to our schedule and at the end of the day, we miss out on what really matters…relationships.

I have three questions for you to ponder: How do you spend your time? How’s that working for you? When you are on your death bed will you be happy with the way you’ve spent your time?

This topic was brought up by our pastor yesterday and it really got me thinking about my life and how busy I seem to be. I don’t think God desires me to be this busy. I do believe He wants me resting along the way and enjoying the journey but it seems so hard sometimes. However, I am determined to jump off this hamster wheel by asking myself what is truly important. You see, I have had a tendency to do things simply because I’ve always done them that way. I have been very task oriented which, on one hand, has been helpful in some areas of my life. However, it has hurt some of my relationships. As a result, I am in the process of evaluating all I do and asking myself how important each thing really is. Are you willing to do the same? The bottom line is that if we continue spending time as we always have, we will get the same results we’ve always gotten.

Our days are all numbered. So will you join me in trying to make the most of the days you have left by looking to create moments rather than maximizing your minutes? If we are about maximizing each minute this will lead to us trying to create microwave relationships. Trust me, this doesn’t work well. We can be efficient with things but we must be very inefficient in our relationships.  This is where moments are created.

Yesterday, our pastor shared something about the story of Mary, who broke open a very expensive container of perfume and poured the entire contents out upon Jesus. The value of this was more than a year’s wages! She was so thankful for what Jesus had done for her that she was willing to make this great sacrifice. She didn’t get an immediate return for this sacrificial offering but Jesus said she did a great thing and would be repaid over time (see Mark 14:9).

I started to think of this in terms of my relationships, and particularly, my relationship with my son. Several years ago I came to the realization that I must step up my leadership as a dad. I have really been trying to sow into my son’s life by spending intentional time with him. I have seen this make a big difference in his life…until recently. It seems like we just crossed into the adolescence abyss…the black hole. He just turned 15 and is not really into communicating…especially with his parents. He’s also not as fond of spending time with me. Can any of you relate? It appears like anything I do now doesn’t make a bit of difference. I saw this happen with my two oldest as well, so this shouldn’t surprise me, but it is still difficult.

It is much easier to intentionally do stuff with my son when I can see the fruit coming from it…an immediate return. However, when I see nothing, it is much harder. All I want to do is change him to get him in line. That’s where sacrifice comes in. I must remain steadfast and have faith that this too shall pass (and I know it will) and not withhold love and attention. Might he need correction and guidance? Most assuredly. But I must remember that God is the one who will change him, not me. I must do my part and leave the outcome to God.

The same holds true for all of us in our relationships. It could be that your spouse is not doing what you would like him or her to be doing. Maybe it is a coworker or an employee of yours. Regardless of how they are treating you, you are called to treat them as you would like to be treated. This can be a huge sacrifice, but one we are all called to make.

If we are in the habit of treating others as they deserve, our relationships will be littered with wreckage. We must treat them sacrificially, trusting that God is doing the work in changing them.

Dale Carnegie wrote a best-selling book called How to Win Friends and Influence People. The premise of the book is wrapped up in Carnegie’s famous quote, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” He discusses many things including the secret to making a great first impression, an easy way to become a good conversationalist, how to get others to cooperate with you and how to criticize and not be hated for it. In other words, Carnegie is saying that friendship, as in any relationship, requires effort.

If you have a really good friend consider yourself blessed. The Bible speaks often of false friends…those who only hang around you because of your money, your power or other reasons. However, the moment the going gets tough, they get going. The reason for this ties in to what Dilbert says above. Though Dilbert might be a bit misguided, he is right on the money when he says friends are expensive. Though they may not cost you financially, there is a cost involved. Consider the following:

• We are called to mourn with a friend (Romans 12:15)
• We are called to rejoice with a friend (Romans 12:15)
• We are called to stick by our friends through anything (Proverbs 18:24)
• We are called to correct a friend when necessary (Proverbs 27:6)
• We are called to love a friend no matter what and lay our lives down for them (John 15:13)

These are things a true friend does, even if he doesn’t feel like it…even if she has more important things to do. It costs us to be a friend (or a husband, or a wife, or a father…). All relationships take work if they’re going to work. God’s plan is for us to do life in community…with others. Not only does this make us stronger, but by forcing us to put forth the effort in improving our relationships, it helps us to become more patient, more loving, more considerate. It sharpens us into a closer resemblance of the person God wants us to be. If you are in the middle of a relationship issue or two, a good question to ask might be, “God, what are you trying to do in me through this?”

One certainty in life is that if you’ve dealt with people, you have had a choice as to whether to take the high road or the low road. This is universal…we all have this choice in our relationships. I am referring to those times when you are hurt, maybe even without cause.

My son Robbie and I are reading a chapter a week in John Maxwell’s book Winning with People. Yesterday’s chapter dealt with this choice of roads. Maxwell says that there are actually three roads we can choose when dealing with others:

1. The low road–where we treat others worse than they treat us
2. The middle road–where we treat others the same as they treat us
3. The high road–where we treat others better than they treat us

If you desire to take the high road, here is a great story from Maxwell’s book you can learn from:

During the Civil War, confederate General W. H. C. Whiting was jealous of rival general Robert E. Lee. Consequently Whiting spread many rumors about him. But there came a time when General Lee could have gotten even. When President Jefferson Davis was considering Whiting for a key promotion, he asked General Lee what he thought of Whiting. Without hesitation, Lee endorsed and commended Whiting. The officers who witnessed the exchange were astonished. Afterward, one of them asked Lee if he had forgotten all the unkind words that Whiting had spread about him.

“I understand the president wanted to know my opinion of Whiting,” responded Lee, “not Whiting’s opinion of me.”

“A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.”
David Brinkley

A couple of nights ago I took my son to his martial arts class. He wasn’t very excited about going which is fairly common with him; however, afterward he was so glad he went, which is also common. I was discussing this phenomenon with the owner of the martial arts program and he said, “Actions always come before feelings.” I asked what he meant and he told me that we can’t put feelings first or we’ll be in trouble. What he meant was if we let our feelings dictate what we do, negative things will more than likely be the end-result.

After hearing this I told him I’d like to modify his statement. I said, “Positive actions come before feelings.” I told him I believe that some actions could come after our feelings, but those would normally be less than positive actions…for example saying something to our spouse when we are angry–I know in my experience that almost never turns out well!

So how does this apply to our lives? In many ways. Take for instance making these choices to act positively even if we don’t feel like it:

• Choosing to love your wife even when she’s not being kind to you (though you may feel disrespected and angry).
• Choosing to work as if it were your own business even though your boss is being a jerk (though you may feel unappreciated).
• Choosing to build up your son even though he didn’t pick up after himself (though you may feel frustrated).
• Choosing to get up early to exercise even though your bed is so warm and comfortable (though you may feel lazy).

The list could go on and on. The key here is to understand that it truly is our choice. A friend of mine once asked, “If someone spits on you does that make you mad?”

I responded by saying, “You bet!”

He said, “No it doesn’t. It just makes you wet. It’s your choice to be mad.” I tried to dispute his statement, but he had me. He was right.

Much like the old Fram Oil Filter commercials, the choice is yours. Do you remember those commercials where the mechanic would say, “You can pay me now. Or you can pay me later”? Well, this doesn’t just apply to car parts. The fact is that when facing the choice of caving to your feelings or exercising self-control, you will pay a price regardless of the choice you make. You can pay it now in dying to yourself and exercising self-control. Or you can pay the much costlier price later of facing the consequences of letting your feelings win the day.

This past weekend I heard two messages regarding the importance of serving others, first at a men’s retreat on Saturday, then at our church on Sunday. Sunday’s message centered around the conversation Jesus had with James and John and their mother who had requested that Jesus reserve seats next to Him for her two boys. In other words she wanted Jesus to make her sons great in the kingdom of Heaven. Jesus goes on to tell her that “whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:26-27)

Jesus isn’t instructing us to do something that He wasn’t willing to do Himself. Just before His death (which He knew was coming), He dropped to His knees and washed the feet of His disciples. He didn’t ask to be served, although He could have. He modeled to all of us who are leaders what it looks like to truly lead. Drop to your knees and wash the feet of those around you. Humble yourselves. Think of others before you.

A great question to ask every day is this. What would my ___________ look like if I took the attitude that I am going to hit my knees and put others before me…and serve? If you put your marriage in the blank, how can you serve your spouse? If your blank contains your kids, how can you serve them? If it is your job, how can you serve your employees, your boss, your peers and your clients? Can you imagine what would happen in the world around you if many took this attitude with them? The world could be changed. But it must start somewhere. Why not with you?

“God doesn’t want us to think less of ourselves, He just wants us to think of ourselves less.”
Rick Warren

“At the end of the day, I’m very convinced that you’re going to be judged on how you are as a husband and as a father and not on how many bowl games we won. I’ve not seen my two girls play high school sports. They’re both very talented Division I-A volleyball players, so I missed those four years. I missed two already with one away at college. I can’t get that time back.” Those were the words of University of Florida head football coach, Urban Meyer, at a campus news conference yesterday announcing his resignation.

The word of this spread like wild fire yesterday afternoon. On Twitter I saw tweets coming through at an alarming rate reacting to this news. Last night on ESPN’s SportsCenter, it seemed like this was all they could talk about.

I began to wonder why this was such a big deal. Here is a guy who is hanging up his career so that he can be a dad and also take care of himself as his health has been in question. Very honorable, yet this probably shouldn’t be that newsworthy. I would hope that most people would make this decision, to put their family and their health ahead of their dreams. Obviously, this is not the case. We are so programmed to go after the brass ring, to climb the ladder of success, to get the corner office or to win the national championship (Meyer has won two). Many think that this is what life is all about…that this is success. Once we attain this “success”, most cannot understand letting go of it. So when someone in the spotlight actually does leave it behind, it becomes news.

In Meyer’s comments above, he obviously regrets missing much of his family’s life during his climb to prominence. It looks to me like he is now understanding a truer definition of success and taking corrective action and I applaud him for that!